So apparently the posting has been relegated to once a month, which is not planned or ideal, but what is possible. Actually, that's not entirely true. I've just chosen to knit the world's largest "family" blanket, as opposed to participating in literary creative expression. Choices, right? In short, my topics have been relatively uninspired as of late, but every once in a while, a great suggestion pops up and I feel the need to run with it. The last time I looked outward for suggestions, the response included miraculous subjects such as waffles and Emilio Estevez. I did actually have a pretty good discussion going in my head about Emilio, and his whole family situation, but it didn't gain traction, so I let it go. I shouldn't have let it go.
Today's suggestion was spurred by a lighthearted conversation over lunch about good locations to work and live, which led into why those things are important to a career in Higher Education. A lovely lady in my life was chuckling at the revelation that I have a list of the top ten things that I've learned working in Higher Education over these last 6 months. Some are Higher Ed relevant, and some are just... things. That I will never forget. I've decided to expound upon these "important" things for the benefit of posterity. I never want to forget and I feel that there is so much yet to learn that these impressionable first 6 months will pale in comparison to what is yet to come. SO, without further ado, my first top ten list of my Higher Ed career.
Number One:
There is an acronym for everything. And if there isn't, we'll make one up. It doesn't even have to make sense, could be 10 years old and obsolete, but it is still used by someone at the University. My first day on campus I was hit with no fewer than 5 of them in the first hour. I followed a lot of them as we went along, but after awhile I did have to admit that I spoke in complete words and finally just asked what all the letters stood for. Naturally, I know that the magic of acronyms is not exclusively limited to the Higher Ed world, but the prevalence they have over actual titles, phrases and organizations is mind-boggling. In fact, there are situation that create the acronym BEFORE assigning the letters meaning... and then there's a debate over what the letters should mean, because the acronym is THAT good. It's become second nature to me now. In fact, I've decided to refer to my household as an acronym because their actual names are too many letter and words. DMERB- our official household acronym.
Number Two:
There is absolutely no way to tell what a student is capable of just by looking at them. I come across some interesting... stories... in my line of work, which inadvertently conjure a mental picture of the student that could possibly be capable of such...stories... I am always wrong. I create these impressions in my head, likely born of past experience with many many people and when they approach my office for their meeting I am constantly stunned, not only by what they look like, but also by how they present themselves. I think, "YOU are the one that berated that police officer" or "you had HOW much marijuana in your room?" But you're so (small, sweet, quiet, liking of Harry Potter marathons on the weekends... fill in the blank) not what I expected. I've tried desperately to remove this automatic functionality of my brain, but alas, I find it entertaining to guess.
Number Three:
Email is obnoxious. There are so many emails in any given 10 minute period that no one could possibly keep up with all of it and remember to answer it and be productive in any other facet of their lives. The awesome group of people that I spend the most amount of time with find it to be equally as burdensome, yet we all know how necessary it is. Our institution is fond of copying everyone on everything to foster an environment of inclusion and communication, which I adore, but it means piles upon piles of emails.... we always know who's going to the bathroom, when, and which other staff members are covering for that particular 10 minute span. This is not an uncommon practice in Higher Education, which makes us well connected, well informed and, well... always needing internet.
Number Four:
Higher Education is the only occupation I've ever been involved in where coworkers, managers and subordinates alike openly discuss where they're going "next". It's a regular practice to discuss how you aren't going to be there in a couple of months, job hunt together, and yet still do your day to day duties effectively. In fact, it is so transparent, that we all expect that our current dynamic is perpetually temporary, and yet it's very positive. However, no one takes their current position for granted because it is constantly fluid. I've never experienced anything like it. It's evolution at its finest- watching the growth of a person's career right in front of your eyes... openly and honestly.
Number Five:
Haboobs are a real thing. That is not a made up word. The first time I heard that, I thought my dear friends were messing with me. No. It's real. A Haboob is defined as is a type of intense dust storm carried on an atmospheric gravity current. Haboobs occur regularly in arid regions throughout the world. I know what you're thinking... how could this have anything to do with Higher Ed? Well, as stated in number four, the higher education employee is moderately nomadic, and thus has usually lived in other locations. I learned this term from my supervisor, who had just come from Texas, where haboobs are relatively commonplace. This is a fact I may have never learned while doing hair in Illinois. Though I suppose if Haboobs are possible, and it's possible to NAME something a haboob, anything is possible.
Number Six:
There is SO MUCH tech. So much. Everything has a cord, a gadget, an app, a website, a program, a machine or a code. The logins, networks, links and calender reminders are so plentiful that they swim in my head while I sleep. I like technology, don't get me wrong, but it is no longer possible to function without it at the rate Higher Education utilizes tech. And, truth be told, my institution is still joining the ranks of tech savvy campuses. Just today I learned of a website that organizes a meal planning and delivery schedule (for when, say, a colleague has a baby) and an application that organizes, plans and outlines conference events. I also learned that even with as many webinars as we've done, the results of your experience are still completely dependent on the technology working properly. Of course operator errors play into that, too. Staying on top of the tech is impossible. I've never seen so many iBasicallyeverything's in one place. Did you know you could be mayor of something just by checking in there like ten times a day on Foursquare? Did you know there was Foursquare? Someone please tell me what the hell Foursquare is...
Number Seven:
I am inspired every day. I kind of want to change the world some days. Some say that wears off, but I don't see how it's possible given the constant desire to be inspired emitted by everyone around you. Being a part of Higher Education is to be among the highly educated. There are educational opportunities every day, and growth is a natural part of the career. There is no point in being involved in Higher Education if you have no interest in changing the world, even a little bit. Every program, event and opportunity is designed to promote an culture of development. Higher Education is where grand ideas begin. We focus on social justice, bettering the community both within university walls and out, making a difference in every student's life, no matter how small, and everything we do satellites the greater good. We are forming the future, and creating a very positive present. It's impossible not to be inspired... even a little bit. However, with regard to changing the world, I was given this advice: Don't discuss social justice issues and drink wine simultaneously. I say, heed this warning.
Number Eight:
There is not a true hierarchy. Sure, there are directors that make the decisions, and the leaders who guide us in the right direction, but everyone is treated as an equal colleague. If you don't feel that way, and you work in Higher Ed, you might be doing something wrong. The word Team is used interchangeably with department, group, etc. which is uncommon in many other occupations. Of course there is management, but management is approachable and respects the input that everyone has. The deep respect for every ones' lives outside of the university is also rare and wonderful. Entire meetings and committees are held to discuss the topic of recognition. That is mind blowing. If you've never worked outside of Higher Ed, trust me, it's not like this everywhere. Perhaps if it was, people would be happier with their jobs, but then again, it wouldn't be such a treat to be a part of it when you haven't been before. I mean seriously, one on ones- weekly- just to touch base with your superior/supervisee... and sometimes it involves coffee.
Number Nine:
Like acronyms, there are conferences for everything. Which are named by acronyms. They involve team building and networking and...uh... food? Well, I don't know. But there are so many conferences. I'm sure I'll attend one someday. They involve travel and recognition and...uh... food. Sounds like fun to me! I just know my colleagues usually look forward to them, so how bad could they be?
Number Ten:
There is tremendous value in levity. You absolutely have to have a good sense of humor. About yourself, and everything you are going to encounter. It's right up there with working in medicine. If you can't laugh about the darkness, it will take you with it. I don't believe it to be possible to be successful in Higher Education without being able to lighten up. If you take yourself, or things around you, too seriously, it will swallow you whole. I work with a group of people who see so many different, sometimes tense situations in one day that they would go nuts if they weren't able to laugh. About everything. A sense of humor gives them the ability to move between student conduct and community council seamlessly and still do it again the next day. It also makes the student's experiences more positive to be surrounded by humor. I see it in everything we do. And a perk of being surrounded by highly educated professionals is that the humor has the potential to be intelligent. But it's not usually. However, I think the grumpy (and sometimes cute) cat pictures on the meeting agenda are brilliant.
I have limited my accounts of the last six months to only ten lessons learned about working in Higher Education, but I am certain there are more to come. Almost daily I think about what I could go on and on about with regard to my career experiences. For now, these are predominant and have inspired many moments of design for me.
Moment of Design Captured....
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
My year moment
Don't we start out the same way every year? By we I mean most people on January 1st. "This is going to be MY year!" "I am going to change THIS this year!" "Goodbye last year, this is going to be different!" And, in fact, it could be. It is very convenient that our calendar has set up and our society has reinforced a fresh start at the beginning of every year. The past years don't melt away with the development of that 1/1 date in order to actually give us a fresh start, however I truly believe that a fresh start would be tremendously disappointing. It's moderately romantic to feel the clarity of a new year- imagining that this time around everything will make sense, and you'll only make the best choices and it's another fresh opportunity to make your dreams come true. I don't believe it's possible to do that without the preceding years. In order to truly measure where to go, a basis of comparison, a standard, must be made.
I love the new year. I love the hope it brings and the booknoting of past experience. My personal method when the new year comes is not to hope for new and condemn the past, but to relish the past and use it create the new. I love my past. I have started fresh, in the middle of the year, and could not have done that without the grace and love that I've developed throughout the past. This new year I embraced the "fresh start" by being thankful that I had the old.
This is going to be MY year. Like every other year has been my year. I'm going to make the choices I feel are the best at the time. I'm going to learn from my mistakes and try to be a better person than I was last year. I'm going to be healthier, smarter and more dedicated to the things I value. Each year is a gift, and as I see it, a chance to make last year's gift count. Look what I did with last year- how can I do that all again, but better? I don't mean that I would repeat every choice and action, but I would do all of the intangible and abstract again. I would love again, laugh again and dream again. This year, I'll do that better. And more.
I am going to change THIS this year. What THIS will I choose? Anything that doesn't meet my expectations. I will treat myself with more respect. I will cook better, move better, listen to myself better. I will make choices that create a better life for myself and my family. I will spend less, eat less, complain less. My expectations of myself are to be the best me I can be and act like the person I want to become. I will present myself in the manner for which I have become accostomed and for which I am known, but better. I will be kind because it's easier to be kind. I will treat people with the love that they deserve. I will make positive changes in every area that I am personally involved. I will hold on to the wonderful words and compliments I've received and keep them true. The THIS that I choose to change is my gratitude. For myself, my loved ones, my choices, my life. You can NEVER be too grateful.
Goodbye last year, this year is going to be different. Last year was difficult. So were the previous 32 years. That is life. I believe it's not worth living without a challenge. There needs to be balance. In order to appreciate the good, the bad must happen. This year is going to be different becasue it is not possible for it to be the same. Thanks to the previous 32 years. I happily say goodbye to last year because I do not fear getting older, and I welcome experience. I love to think of the future as I embrace how I got here. This year will be different in that it is a new gift than last year was. This year we are in a completely different part of the country, making completely different choices, with the same people and values from the previous years. I am thankful for last year, but this year will be just as life altering. Because they all are.
If a truly "fresh start" were possible, it would be devastating. How could you be who you are? What would you have to show for life? I love who I've become, but it was only possible by never being able to start over. The blessing of baggage is that you have something with you. I love to watch my children become who they are because of who David and I are, because of their limited years of experience. David and I are who we are because of who are families and friends are, and that baggage is shaping my children. It's possible to make new choices, but a fresh start would defeat the purpose of life, which in my opinion is create experiences and leave a mark on the universe.
Everyone needs opportunity to make new choices, and the new year is a great symbol of opportunity. I just never want my year to be truly NEW.
Moment of Design Captured...
I love the new year. I love the hope it brings and the booknoting of past experience. My personal method when the new year comes is not to hope for new and condemn the past, but to relish the past and use it create the new. I love my past. I have started fresh, in the middle of the year, and could not have done that without the grace and love that I've developed throughout the past. This new year I embraced the "fresh start" by being thankful that I had the old.
This is going to be MY year. Like every other year has been my year. I'm going to make the choices I feel are the best at the time. I'm going to learn from my mistakes and try to be a better person than I was last year. I'm going to be healthier, smarter and more dedicated to the things I value. Each year is a gift, and as I see it, a chance to make last year's gift count. Look what I did with last year- how can I do that all again, but better? I don't mean that I would repeat every choice and action, but I would do all of the intangible and abstract again. I would love again, laugh again and dream again. This year, I'll do that better. And more.
I am going to change THIS this year. What THIS will I choose? Anything that doesn't meet my expectations. I will treat myself with more respect. I will cook better, move better, listen to myself better. I will make choices that create a better life for myself and my family. I will spend less, eat less, complain less. My expectations of myself are to be the best me I can be and act like the person I want to become. I will present myself in the manner for which I have become accostomed and for which I am known, but better. I will be kind because it's easier to be kind. I will treat people with the love that they deserve. I will make positive changes in every area that I am personally involved. I will hold on to the wonderful words and compliments I've received and keep them true. The THIS that I choose to change is my gratitude. For myself, my loved ones, my choices, my life. You can NEVER be too grateful.
Goodbye last year, this year is going to be different. Last year was difficult. So were the previous 32 years. That is life. I believe it's not worth living without a challenge. There needs to be balance. In order to appreciate the good, the bad must happen. This year is going to be different becasue it is not possible for it to be the same. Thanks to the previous 32 years. I happily say goodbye to last year because I do not fear getting older, and I welcome experience. I love to think of the future as I embrace how I got here. This year will be different in that it is a new gift than last year was. This year we are in a completely different part of the country, making completely different choices, with the same people and values from the previous years. I am thankful for last year, but this year will be just as life altering. Because they all are.
If a truly "fresh start" were possible, it would be devastating. How could you be who you are? What would you have to show for life? I love who I've become, but it was only possible by never being able to start over. The blessing of baggage is that you have something with you. I love to watch my children become who they are because of who David and I are, because of their limited years of experience. David and I are who we are because of who are families and friends are, and that baggage is shaping my children. It's possible to make new choices, but a fresh start would defeat the purpose of life, which in my opinion is create experiences and leave a mark on the universe.
Everyone needs opportunity to make new choices, and the new year is a great symbol of opportunity. I just never want my year to be truly NEW.
Moment of Design Captured...
Monday, November 19, 2012
Thanks moment
What kind of non-writer would I be, during a holiday week, if I didn't not-write pertaining to the holiday? Being Thanksgiving week, I feel it only appropriate (and somewhat obligatory) to do a "thanks" piece. After all, with the exorbitant amount of change to have taken place this past year, it's only fitting that I find the joy and happiness in both past, present and future. I do have a lot to be thankful for, and as a rule, I am a truly and genuinely grateful person. However, I don't think I've ever formally pronounced my thanks. I'm quick to thank, but not to stop and praise, not to truly think about why I'm thankful.
To be honest, Thanksgiving has never been one of my favorite holidays. I love food, family and a warm home on a cold November day, but it has always seemed so much like a much-ado-about-nothing kind of day for me. I do not begrudge those around me a festive Thanksgiving, but I feel (as with so many holidays) that the point is so lost in the hubbub. I would be just as happy having everyone together with culinary endeavors even if the plates were paper. Until recently, my favorite holiday was the one in 2002 that David and I spent in a Thai restaurant in Ireland. Despite the fact that both of us are at least moderately intelligent people (most of the time), we hadn't put it together that the Irish didn't celebrate Thanksgiving... it was just another day. Regardless, we called our families that day from another country to let them know we were thankful for them, thereby honoring the true meaning of the holiday. This year we are gathering with a new group of people, but that doesn't mean that the spirit of Thankgivings past is not with us. That's the point- to hold onto the memories and be thankful for them.
More than anything, the people in our lives help us to become who we are, but I also feel that our life experiences shape us and are something to be thankful for. Our personal goals and qualities contribute to what we present to others and how we affect their lives. It's important to reflect and be grateful for all that has helped to mold us, who we are now, and what we are to become.
This year I feel blessed because we have begun a new adventure and the path set before us is full of great opportunities.
I am thankful for the Colorado sun, Rocky Mountains and Illinois Rivers and forests.
I am thankful for getting to be greeted every morning by an original masterpiece in the sky, and welcomed home by the same.
I am thankful for the ability to forge new relationships, and the courage it takes to do so.
I am thankful for my husband... but everyone already knows that.
I am thankful for the Princess Pop Star in the backseat, and the Preschool Picasso.
I am thankful for their sets of matching sapphire eyes.
I am thankful for the stories they tell and the laughter they bring.
I am thankful for the dreams we have yet to live and the moments we are living right now.
I am thankful for waking up every morning and feeling progress.
I am thankful for the family that we're loving more every day and the friends that we love so deeply it hurts.
I am thankful for the freedom to change and the willingness it takes to do so.
I am thankful for warmth.
I am thankful for patience, which takes everything I have.
I am thankful for the moral code that I live by, and that it seems to be working.
I am thankful for my demeanor because it hurts too much to be mean or angry.
I am thankful for love and the universe's manifestation of that in my life.
I am thankful for inspiration, and hope that by being grateful for it I'll be rewarded with a constant flow.
I am thankful for ambition, and my ability to moderate it.
I am thankful for the strength to make hard choices that I believe in even if no one else understands.
I am thankful for conviction because it helps define my purpose.
I am thankful for ALL of my family who helped shape who I am, taught me right and wrong and how to love. We are all over the country, but we are bound.
I am thankful for my closest friend whose support is undying and everlasting even when I make her crazy.
I am thankful for knowing what it's like to have incredible neighbors and even more incredible friends.
I am thankful for being able to laugh easily. Finding joy in everything makes life more pleasant to live.
I am thankful for having a different definition of life than others and the fortitude to live it.
I am thankful for fluidity.
I am thankful that my little unit of four has such a strong and charismatic dynamic.
I am thankful for the perpetual music in our lives no matter where we are.
I am thankful for learning and life lessons and character building.
I am thankful for everything done in my life up to this moment.
I am thankful for the tears expended which have hastened my grow.
I am thankful for higher education and the enormous impact it's having on my present.
I am thankful for my healthy fear of mortality which keeps me cherishing every minute of life.
I am thankful for the future and the us to be created that we have yet to share with the world.
I am thankful for moments of design and being able to share them with the world if for no reason other than exposing them makes them seem more genuine and real.
I am thankful for every day. Even if that's cliche.
Moment of Design Captured...
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| Pink Elephant Thai Restaurant Swords, Dublin Ireland |
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| My dining room last Thanksgiving 2011 |
More than anything, the people in our lives help us to become who we are, but I also feel that our life experiences shape us and are something to be thankful for. Our personal goals and qualities contribute to what we present to others and how we affect their lives. It's important to reflect and be grateful for all that has helped to mold us, who we are now, and what we are to become.
This year I feel blessed because we have begun a new adventure and the path set before us is full of great opportunities.
I am thankful for the Colorado sun, Rocky Mountains and Illinois Rivers and forests.
I am thankful for getting to be greeted every morning by an original masterpiece in the sky, and welcomed home by the same.
I am thankful for the ability to forge new relationships, and the courage it takes to do so.
I am thankful for my husband... but everyone already knows that.
I am thankful for the Princess Pop Star in the backseat, and the Preschool Picasso.
I am thankful for their sets of matching sapphire eyes.
I am thankful for the stories they tell and the laughter they bring.
I am thankful for the dreams we have yet to live and the moments we are living right now.
I am thankful for waking up every morning and feeling progress.
I am thankful for the family that we're loving more every day and the friends that we love so deeply it hurts.
I am thankful for the freedom to change and the willingness it takes to do so.
I am thankful for warmth.
I am thankful for patience, which takes everything I have.
I am thankful for the moral code that I live by, and that it seems to be working.
I am thankful for my demeanor because it hurts too much to be mean or angry.
I am thankful for love and the universe's manifestation of that in my life.
I am thankful for inspiration, and hope that by being grateful for it I'll be rewarded with a constant flow.
I am thankful for ambition, and my ability to moderate it.
I am thankful for the strength to make hard choices that I believe in even if no one else understands.
I am thankful for conviction because it helps define my purpose.
I am thankful for ALL of my family who helped shape who I am, taught me right and wrong and how to love. We are all over the country, but we are bound.
I am thankful for my closest friend whose support is undying and everlasting even when I make her crazy.
I am thankful for knowing what it's like to have incredible neighbors and even more incredible friends.
I am thankful for being able to laugh easily. Finding joy in everything makes life more pleasant to live.
I am thankful for having a different definition of life than others and the fortitude to live it.
I am thankful for fluidity.
I am thankful that my little unit of four has such a strong and charismatic dynamic.
I am thankful for the perpetual music in our lives no matter where we are.
I am thankful for learning and life lessons and character building.
I am thankful for everything done in my life up to this moment.
I am thankful for the tears expended which have hastened my grow.
I am thankful for higher education and the enormous impact it's having on my present.
I am thankful for my healthy fear of mortality which keeps me cherishing every minute of life.
I am thankful for the future and the us to be created that we have yet to share with the world.
I am thankful for moments of design and being able to share them with the world if for no reason other than exposing them makes them seem more genuine and real.
I am thankful for every day. Even if that's cliche.
Moment of Design Captured...
Friday, November 16, 2012
Balance moment
In the car every morning, as I coffee treat the sleep out of my eyes and traverse the hour long journey toward the grade school and college, my sidekick and travel buddy greets me with the following statement, "Hey Mom! Can I sing you a song?" I turn off the NPR story that I've just settled in to and listen quietly as she sets up her act. "Ahem ahem" *throat clear* "You are listening to 'Rocky' (that's her stage name apparently) on 93.3 (our second favorite local station after NPR of course)" Then I hear a series of doo-doo-doos and she launches into a string of "baby I love you", "baby you make my heart feel like it's on fire", "baby you really hurt me but I still like you", and my personal favorite "baby we can do this, we can make it till the end of the world." Every once in a while, she'll change it up with a western ditty about riding on the range under the stars. After one especially thought provoking rendition of "baby we can do this, we can make it till the end of the world" she described a scene in a dark room with two people in love holding hands as the flame of a candle went out...
She then explained to me that when the candle went out the world ended. My mind went in many different directions after that one. Is she contemplating death? Does she worry about the end of the world? Is this an audible manifestation of a dark rooted fear? In other words, my mind went ridiculous. I projected some adult representation onto my seven year old's clearly descriptive and over dramatic image from some creative place in her head. She doesn't feel dark as dark yet. Depression in 2nd grade? I'm not saying it's unheard of or unrealistic, but it is highly unlikely for my child given the fact that the root of my fear for her feelings and darkness tendencies came on the tail end of about a hundred "baby I love you's". She is so deep. Funny with all the pop star imagery, but it's true. It sounds ludicrous, I know, but some of the things this kid says are so super serious and she thinks at a level that I no longer think even I am capable of tapping into. I'm not afraid of darkness, and I truly know she's prone to it. I just want her to harness it and use it for good.
It's humorous to me how I naturally assume she understands adult ideology with relation to the things she divulges and says without even knowing I'm listening. We were riding home one evening and she was pretending to have a conversation on her fake cell phone with a "partner" of hers who had just lost his job. She told her "partner" that he could go out and get another one- maybe one that was less expensive so he wouldn't have to give it up. As I stifled the hysterical laughter so as not to let her know I was listening it occurred to me that her impression of what "choosing" a profession was is how you would choose anything else. You carefully select one you like and can afford. I know we've let her know how it works, but she couldn't wrap her head around someone giving YOU money to do something you like. It was priceless.
It also made me realize how carefully she's listening and absorbing the things around her, in particular the very adult things.
With regard to occupation, I do want her to feel like she can choose, and should choose something she loves. I do not want her to strictly put financial emphasis on it, but I don't want her to devalue the idea of creating a comfortable life for yourself while doing something you love. It's possible, and though David and I have gone about it in a roundabout way, we continue to strive for that. We do what we love, but not to the detriment of the family unit, and instead to benefit it. Evelyn wants to be a pop star, which of course I'll support, but it's going to pain me to level the dream with some inevitable reality. She also laid out her plan for buying up every abandoned restaurant along our drive, rehabilitating it with immense amounts of sparkly things and renaming them all simply "Glow". (If I ever had a doubt she was still a 7 year old girl, right?) Regardless, I'll buy into that dream, too... once she shows me her business plan.
With regard to love, I know we're on the right path to leading that example. It's amazing to hear her depiction of the perfect relationship (which I have to hear every morning beginning at approximately 7:15 a.m.). I am pleased that we are the model she chooses to emulate. No matter which scenario she spins, she explains that love is hard work, but they can do anything. I only know it's her father and I because she told me. "You and Daddy love each other no matter what. Even when you're both sad you still smile at each other." It broke my heart... in a good I'm-doing-something-right type of way.
With regard to darkness, I fell in love with a dark man, and had more than one child with him... it's inevitable. I am drawn to it. I actually prefer that she's not all rainbows and butterflies. I want her to be open about her thoughts about things that are different from "the norm". When she draws me a picture of gloom with her words, I only ask her to balance the gloom with a bit of light. I don't know if it's the right thing, but I only know that with most things balance is key. I struggle with balance constantly, and I expect that my progeny will do the same. I have to remember that it's possible for her to feel things bigger than herself, and it will take the balance to keep her from being swallowed by it.
My relationship with my daughter has always been one of challenge, breakthroughs, intensity and the deepest love you can feel for another human being. I find moments of relief in our humorous times and moments of sorrow when we don't understand one another. Realizing that she is still a baby at times, who feels things with such depth is the key to finding balance with Evelyn. My introspection for the past few weeks has definitely wrapped itself around the enigma that is my eldest, as she has helped me create so many defining moments. It's amazing when you become a parent- there is an immense amount of pressure to create these thriving and productive creatures of society, but as cliche as it sounds, they create us. We are left to strike the balance.
Moment of Design Captured...
She then explained to me that when the candle went out the world ended. My mind went in many different directions after that one. Is she contemplating death? Does she worry about the end of the world? Is this an audible manifestation of a dark rooted fear? In other words, my mind went ridiculous. I projected some adult representation onto my seven year old's clearly descriptive and over dramatic image from some creative place in her head. She doesn't feel dark as dark yet. Depression in 2nd grade? I'm not saying it's unheard of or unrealistic, but it is highly unlikely for my child given the fact that the root of my fear for her feelings and darkness tendencies came on the tail end of about a hundred "baby I love you's". She is so deep. Funny with all the pop star imagery, but it's true. It sounds ludicrous, I know, but some of the things this kid says are so super serious and she thinks at a level that I no longer think even I am capable of tapping into. I'm not afraid of darkness, and I truly know she's prone to it. I just want her to harness it and use it for good.
It's humorous to me how I naturally assume she understands adult ideology with relation to the things she divulges and says without even knowing I'm listening. We were riding home one evening and she was pretending to have a conversation on her fake cell phone with a "partner" of hers who had just lost his job. She told her "partner" that he could go out and get another one- maybe one that was less expensive so he wouldn't have to give it up. As I stifled the hysterical laughter so as not to let her know I was listening it occurred to me that her impression of what "choosing" a profession was is how you would choose anything else. You carefully select one you like and can afford. I know we've let her know how it works, but she couldn't wrap her head around someone giving YOU money to do something you like. It was priceless.
It also made me realize how carefully she's listening and absorbing the things around her, in particular the very adult things.
With regard to occupation, I do want her to feel like she can choose, and should choose something she loves. I do not want her to strictly put financial emphasis on it, but I don't want her to devalue the idea of creating a comfortable life for yourself while doing something you love. It's possible, and though David and I have gone about it in a roundabout way, we continue to strive for that. We do what we love, but not to the detriment of the family unit, and instead to benefit it. Evelyn wants to be a pop star, which of course I'll support, but it's going to pain me to level the dream with some inevitable reality. She also laid out her plan for buying up every abandoned restaurant along our drive, rehabilitating it with immense amounts of sparkly things and renaming them all simply "Glow". (If I ever had a doubt she was still a 7 year old girl, right?) Regardless, I'll buy into that dream, too... once she shows me her business plan.
With regard to love, I know we're on the right path to leading that example. It's amazing to hear her depiction of the perfect relationship (which I have to hear every morning beginning at approximately 7:15 a.m.). I am pleased that we are the model she chooses to emulate. No matter which scenario she spins, she explains that love is hard work, but they can do anything. I only know it's her father and I because she told me. "You and Daddy love each other no matter what. Even when you're both sad you still smile at each other." It broke my heart... in a good I'm-doing-something-right type of way.
With regard to darkness, I fell in love with a dark man, and had more than one child with him... it's inevitable. I am drawn to it. I actually prefer that she's not all rainbows and butterflies. I want her to be open about her thoughts about things that are different from "the norm". When she draws me a picture of gloom with her words, I only ask her to balance the gloom with a bit of light. I don't know if it's the right thing, but I only know that with most things balance is key. I struggle with balance constantly, and I expect that my progeny will do the same. I have to remember that it's possible for her to feel things bigger than herself, and it will take the balance to keep her from being swallowed by it.
My relationship with my daughter has always been one of challenge, breakthroughs, intensity and the deepest love you can feel for another human being. I find moments of relief in our humorous times and moments of sorrow when we don't understand one another. Realizing that she is still a baby at times, who feels things with such depth is the key to finding balance with Evelyn. My introspection for the past few weeks has definitely wrapped itself around the enigma that is my eldest, as she has helped me create so many defining moments. It's amazing when you become a parent- there is an immense amount of pressure to create these thriving and productive creatures of society, but as cliche as it sounds, they create us. We are left to strike the balance.
Moment of Design Captured...
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Expectations Moment
What has exceeded your expectations lately? What do you do to exceed expectations? I have been contemplating this for nearly a week and have discovered that expectations are changeable and relative. Expectations are completely contingent upon standards and past experiences. I believe that disappointment is a natural part of life, and can help to shape expectations, as well as form standards. Expecting the worst can ensure that expectations are exceeded, but it's pessimistic and unrealistic and not my style. It's also very hard to live always expecting the worst. The best experiences have been the ones entered into with no true concept of what's to come.
Earlier this week, we went to a performance by Evelyn's school at the Civic Center in Greeley. Every year they put together a themed exhibition for friends, family and the open public. This year it was the 3rd, 4th & 5th graders along with the staff, singing, dancing and doing a 10 year review called "Chappelow Goes to Pieces". We went to support the school as well as to get an idea of what it would be like for her in the near future. We had very little idea of what it was like and no interest in setting expectations. The Civic Center was so full when we got there that we had to sit in the balcony section and situated ourselves toward the stage, hoping to see anything. As the lights went down and the curtain went up, we could see enough, but it was what we heard. It was so quality. It started with Rock 'n Roll, showcased Motown, and even did a tribute to the Godfather. Not only was the music well orchestrated, but Chappelow has a phenomenal Deaf and Hard of Hearing program that blew us away. The interpreters were as spirited as the child performers. The staff, including the principal, did a Broadway medley, with choreography. They call themselves the Off-Keys, but they were far from it. We were floored. It felt great when we left the show, validated that we had made the right choice by switching Evelyn's school. We began with no expectations.
Entering into any situation expecting perfection guarantees disappointment, as expectations will never be met. Nothing will ever meet the standards set by perfection. I have begun taking in every situation with no other intention than to get the most out of it, good or bad. When you put pressure on life experiences to live up to inflated expectations, resentment and discontent breeds. We choose the perception of the situation and can change the outcome based on what we need it to be. We don't have a choice in what others do or how they present, but we choose how to view it and how to feel about it.
When I try a new recipe, I look at the ingredients individually and assess how they might work together, but I have no idea what to truly expect. I find that expecting each recipe, just by sizing up the ingredients, to be incredible, I am often let down. My favorite recipes are the simplest, that are attempted under no duress. Each ingredient works together to create the experience by reacting to the others in its way. Some ingredients are unpredictable and can alter the experience. Once it becomes a past experience, the expectations will be more realistic.
When we visit a place for the first time, it's difficult not to have preconceived notions. Often we are attending because of a recommendation, or a review that struck an interest. It is difficult to remove the emotional response based on expectations and standards. It's a tough practice to walk in and just see without needing the environment to answer some unspoken question. We went to a trail head last weekend and it was difficult for me to remove the disappointment I felt about what we encountered. The place itself was pleasant, quiet and interesting, but I needed it to be something more, which I couldn't describe. It took my daughter's enthusiasm about how much her expectations were being exceeded to snap me out of my disenchantment. It ended up being lovely once I lowered my expectations.
I will never achieve perfection, a fact that I am very comfortable with. You are what you make yourself, and I realized that I have no interest in being perfect. I cannot live up to that expectation and I don't want to be experienced as disappointing. On the other side of that coin, I do not strive to set myself at a low standard either. I am comfortable with who I am inherently, and in being so, it is easier to try to exceed others' expectations. I know what the expectations of me are, so I can be better than that often. It's easy to give a little extra when you know where you stand. I will never be less kind, diligent or ambitious. I will never give my family less than all, and I am always trying to better myself.
My children are consistently exceeding my expectations because I don't need them to be much. I definitely have high standards for their behavior, but they surprise and inspire me with their constant over achieving. I have never sat and poured over letters, but they both read before preschool. I have never drilled numbers, but they play their games involving math. I expect them to be interested, but I never expect them to be as in tuned with the universe as they are.
As we create who we are, we have the choice to set the standard of living. Other people will undeniably have their expectations of who we are, but we have the option of proving them right or wrong. I'm not advocating for low standards, but I am a proponent of just "being" and letting life exceed expectations. I wouldn't encourage being a stunted personality, but leave room for surprising people. Experiences are shaped by standards and expectations, meaning that we have control over how we perceive what happens in our lives. It is none of our business how others view us, but we can create how we want to be viewed. I choose to exceed expectations.
Moment of Design Captured...
Earlier this week, we went to a performance by Evelyn's school at the Civic Center in Greeley. Every year they put together a themed exhibition for friends, family and the open public. This year it was the 3rd, 4th & 5th graders along with the staff, singing, dancing and doing a 10 year review called "Chappelow Goes to Pieces". We went to support the school as well as to get an idea of what it would be like for her in the near future. We had very little idea of what it was like and no interest in setting expectations. The Civic Center was so full when we got there that we had to sit in the balcony section and situated ourselves toward the stage, hoping to see anything. As the lights went down and the curtain went up, we could see enough, but it was what we heard. It was so quality. It started with Rock 'n Roll, showcased Motown, and even did a tribute to the Godfather. Not only was the music well orchestrated, but Chappelow has a phenomenal Deaf and Hard of Hearing program that blew us away. The interpreters were as spirited as the child performers. The staff, including the principal, did a Broadway medley, with choreography. They call themselves the Off-Keys, but they were far from it. We were floored. It felt great when we left the show, validated that we had made the right choice by switching Evelyn's school. We began with no expectations.
Entering into any situation expecting perfection guarantees disappointment, as expectations will never be met. Nothing will ever meet the standards set by perfection. I have begun taking in every situation with no other intention than to get the most out of it, good or bad. When you put pressure on life experiences to live up to inflated expectations, resentment and discontent breeds. We choose the perception of the situation and can change the outcome based on what we need it to be. We don't have a choice in what others do or how they present, but we choose how to view it and how to feel about it.
When I try a new recipe, I look at the ingredients individually and assess how they might work together, but I have no idea what to truly expect. I find that expecting each recipe, just by sizing up the ingredients, to be incredible, I am often let down. My favorite recipes are the simplest, that are attempted under no duress. Each ingredient works together to create the experience by reacting to the others in its way. Some ingredients are unpredictable and can alter the experience. Once it becomes a past experience, the expectations will be more realistic.
When we visit a place for the first time, it's difficult not to have preconceived notions. Often we are attending because of a recommendation, or a review that struck an interest. It is difficult to remove the emotional response based on expectations and standards. It's a tough practice to walk in and just see without needing the environment to answer some unspoken question. We went to a trail head last weekend and it was difficult for me to remove the disappointment I felt about what we encountered. The place itself was pleasant, quiet and interesting, but I needed it to be something more, which I couldn't describe. It took my daughter's enthusiasm about how much her expectations were being exceeded to snap me out of my disenchantment. It ended up being lovely once I lowered my expectations.
I will never achieve perfection, a fact that I am very comfortable with. You are what you make yourself, and I realized that I have no interest in being perfect. I cannot live up to that expectation and I don't want to be experienced as disappointing. On the other side of that coin, I do not strive to set myself at a low standard either. I am comfortable with who I am inherently, and in being so, it is easier to try to exceed others' expectations. I know what the expectations of me are, so I can be better than that often. It's easy to give a little extra when you know where you stand. I will never be less kind, diligent or ambitious. I will never give my family less than all, and I am always trying to better myself.
My children are consistently exceeding my expectations because I don't need them to be much. I definitely have high standards for their behavior, but they surprise and inspire me with their constant over achieving. I have never sat and poured over letters, but they both read before preschool. I have never drilled numbers, but they play their games involving math. I expect them to be interested, but I never expect them to be as in tuned with the universe as they are.
As we create who we are, we have the choice to set the standard of living. Other people will undeniably have their expectations of who we are, but we have the option of proving them right or wrong. I'm not advocating for low standards, but I am a proponent of just "being" and letting life exceed expectations. I wouldn't encourage being a stunted personality, but leave room for surprising people. Experiences are shaped by standards and expectations, meaning that we have control over how we perceive what happens in our lives. It is none of our business how others view us, but we can create how we want to be viewed. I choose to exceed expectations.
Moment of Design Captured...
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Simple Moment
It was easy for me to see today how simple we really are. Every time we have an occasion or an event, we try to make some grandiose and unnecessary happening out of it because we think that's what we're supposed to do. Today I really realized how little it actually takes to make us happy. I don't think it was a moment of, "it took me this long to realize it" or a moment of, "NOW, I decide we don't need much" but instead a moment of affirmation of what I already really knew. I get so irritated by stuff...things...junk. I hate the spending pain of commercialism and the culmination of things that never have a home in my home. Shopping has never been an enjoyable activity and I truly never analyzed just why that is. It's easy to identify things that you like to look at, or that would make your life more convenient, but it's hard to identify why they don't actually make you happy. There are immaterial simplicities that we cannot live without. When you have a day full of those simple things, it's apparent that it's what you need.
We need music. For so long, we have always just taken music for granted. It's just a natural and assumed part of our every day. We talk about it regularly, look for new artists and celebrate old, but every once in a while we have a moment where we realize how fundamentally important it is to our life. I was always so proud that my parents listened to modern music and also shared the music from their childhoods, including what their parents listened to. We had the most diverse and interesting music library. Today at lunch, Evelyn started singing a Foo Fighters song. I beamed. She is also incredibly excited that her school will be performing a reenactment (elementary school style) of "Thriller" on Halloween. She has been thirsting for Michael Jackson songs for days. Ronan, throughout the day, alternately sang Muse and the White Stripes. They also very much favor the Beatles. They know all of the words to Cat Steven's "Moonshadow." Music is the only thing that can take my wound up children and bring them to some semblance of normalcy. Every time I catch one of them humming a tune, I am certain that we're doing something right. Music, for us (and probably a lot of people), can take a normal moment and make it extraordinary, and often does.
We need good food. NOT complicated food, just good food. Quality barbecue, pasta sauce that has simple flavors, but takes tending and time, foods that shows that someone cares. We always prefer dishes with simple ingredients, and hate fussy. We also love craft beer and simple wine. We don't need much, but to indulge once in a while to remind us that we prefer simpler things. Our children eat candy when we let them, but they prefer fruit. We choose farmers' markets over shopping centers. It's enlightening to try things that people have made and it makes us feel more alive to support their work as we enjoy it. It's essential to our happiness and reminds us that we are given the gift of discretion.
We need outside. The simple act of walking outside can completely reset my whole state of mind. When we are looking for something to do to bring us closer together, my little unit will find a new trail and go for a walk. Our daughter gets so excited in nature that it's contagious. Our son identifies outside as adventure. Both have a budding love for geology and botany. The air and the sun and just being in the presence of trees elevates us. Today we found a trail in the town that we're moving to, that despite it not being the most scenic we've ever been to, left us hand-in-hand proclaiming that we are the coolest and happiest family ever. That happened. We actually announced it. David rolled his eyes a little, but we know he thinks it's true.
We need us. For the last 3 years I have worked every Friday and Saturday. I did it for the greater good, and at the time I defended it as the best option, but it wasn't until I regained my weekends that I realized how much I had missed. Our Saturdays are so important. We wake up together, have coffee (not the kids), talk about the week and choose our own adventure for the day. When we have our activity planned, we all motivate together and find the joy in each moment. Even the days that we stay in are an adventure. We play, cook, sing, and remember why we work so well. When you don't have the time to be together, you realize how much you really need it. For the first time in a very long time, we have a schedule that is conducive to being together.
There was a very literal moment today when I stopped in my tracks and realized that we were happy. It was a moment when I realized how little it took to make that happen. There is hope for us yet. It was so simple. Today.
Moment of Design Captured...
We need music. For so long, we have always just taken music for granted. It's just a natural and assumed part of our every day. We talk about it regularly, look for new artists and celebrate old, but every once in a while we have a moment where we realize how fundamentally important it is to our life. I was always so proud that my parents listened to modern music and also shared the music from their childhoods, including what their parents listened to. We had the most diverse and interesting music library. Today at lunch, Evelyn started singing a Foo Fighters song. I beamed. She is also incredibly excited that her school will be performing a reenactment (elementary school style) of "Thriller" on Halloween. She has been thirsting for Michael Jackson songs for days. Ronan, throughout the day, alternately sang Muse and the White Stripes. They also very much favor the Beatles. They know all of the words to Cat Steven's "Moonshadow." Music is the only thing that can take my wound up children and bring them to some semblance of normalcy. Every time I catch one of them humming a tune, I am certain that we're doing something right. Music, for us (and probably a lot of people), can take a normal moment and make it extraordinary, and often does.
We need good food. NOT complicated food, just good food. Quality barbecue, pasta sauce that has simple flavors, but takes tending and time, foods that shows that someone cares. We always prefer dishes with simple ingredients, and hate fussy. We also love craft beer and simple wine. We don't need much, but to indulge once in a while to remind us that we prefer simpler things. Our children eat candy when we let them, but they prefer fruit. We choose farmers' markets over shopping centers. It's enlightening to try things that people have made and it makes us feel more alive to support their work as we enjoy it. It's essential to our happiness and reminds us that we are given the gift of discretion.
We need outside. The simple act of walking outside can completely reset my whole state of mind. When we are looking for something to do to bring us closer together, my little unit will find a new trail and go for a walk. Our daughter gets so excited in nature that it's contagious. Our son identifies outside as adventure. Both have a budding love for geology and botany. The air and the sun and just being in the presence of trees elevates us. Today we found a trail in the town that we're moving to, that despite it not being the most scenic we've ever been to, left us hand-in-hand proclaiming that we are the coolest and happiest family ever. That happened. We actually announced it. David rolled his eyes a little, but we know he thinks it's true.
We need us. For the last 3 years I have worked every Friday and Saturday. I did it for the greater good, and at the time I defended it as the best option, but it wasn't until I regained my weekends that I realized how much I had missed. Our Saturdays are so important. We wake up together, have coffee (not the kids), talk about the week and choose our own adventure for the day. When we have our activity planned, we all motivate together and find the joy in each moment. Even the days that we stay in are an adventure. We play, cook, sing, and remember why we work so well. When you don't have the time to be together, you realize how much you really need it. For the first time in a very long time, we have a schedule that is conducive to being together.
There was a very literal moment today when I stopped in my tracks and realized that we were happy. It was a moment when I realized how little it took to make that happen. There is hope for us yet. It was so simple. Today.
Moment of Design Captured...
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Eleven year moment
I have been trying to write for days. Under no circumstance do I believe that I am "blocked" because I refuse to see my self as a "writer" but I feel like there was some stifled creativity, certainly. I had a whole concept laid out, beginning with "I hate Chick flicks" but it went no where, short of a rant that I wasn't proud of. I do hate chick flicks, but it didn't feel organic or authentic. In fact, I felt like I was forcing an irrelevant issue. There is so much to feel. Lately my empathy has been on overdrive and my brain is impossible to quiet.
I was quieted this morning, and finally inspired.
I have made so many life altering choices, as have most people in their early 30s, but none have changed my life so much as the one I made eleven years ago today. It was the only one I've made that has impacted every facet of my life, every moment of every day. What's even more impacting is the fact that I have never second guessed the decision or looked for opportunities, but instead I feel better and more certain about it as time goes by.
Eleven years ago me was very young, very independent and very impulsive. I'm still two out of three.
I was stubborn, strong, and clueless... debatable today.
I was free to do anything, but felt encumbered by the freedom.
I was a dreamer with plans of grandeur.
I was selfish and drfiting.
I wanted to build a foundation, but wasn't sure how. So I did what I knew.
I explored every weekend, spending most evenings in martini clubs, irish pubs or jazz bars, and most mornings with bloody marys.
I didn't want children or a house.
I wanted what I still want today for our future.
I was not alone. I had chosen a partner who walked the wreckless and youthful path with me step by step. We created something untouchable.
Eleven years ago him was dark and charming. He is still two out of two.
He was stubborn, strong and clueless...
He was creative and recreating himself. No, he was finding himself.
He found a side of himself that had yet to be tapped into. So he did what he knew.
He made friends, adventured beside me and located the next situation for our latest endeavor.
He brought me bloody marys.
He didn't want children or a house.
He wanted a future for us, but did not know what.
He was a partner who appreciated our life and complemented my every move. We were in unison.
Today me is a lot like me of eleven years ago, but nothing like her as well.
Parenting is a craft and a priority.
Foundation is foremost.
Now I am finding myself.
I find joy in the smallest things and don't drink martinis quite as often.
I still want what I wanted then.
I don't subscribe to feminism because bras are expensive to burn and I think women should put the toilet seat down.
I feel less independent, but yearn for it everyday.
I would never throw a big wedding.
I need adventure but also security.
I am fighting to become the person I want to be.
I am, because of my partner more stubborn, strong, young, free and defined. I don't ever feel alone.
Today him is nothing like he was and also very similar.
He is more compassionate, but can be less tolerant.
He works to use the empathy within him.
He wants a foundation.
He is loving and strong and free.
He thinks chicks who like hot wings and beer make the best wives.
He is a phenomenal father who strives to perfect his methods and craft.
He likes adventure, but prefers stability.
He is comfortable being the person he wants to be.
He bakes the most incredible signature banana bread.
He is open to my schemes, and a willing participant, but keeps me grounded.
He is love. He is driven by it, and it makes him eloquent.
For thirteen years, married for eleven, we have been falling in love with each other every day. He reminds me of that often. We realize that it takes effort to be married, but we have never felt the effort. He is my biggest moment of design, beginning with the day he proved to me how important accountability is. It was just a moment ago that we were in our new twenties, sitting on the edge of the dock at my grandmother's cabin and he said for God and the world what I knew from the first moment. Those were the words of eleven years ago.
This morning I was awoken with these words, "I know we are fated to be together, loving you is a choice, but falling in love with you again is out of my control."
Moment of Design Captured...
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