Wednesday, January 9, 2013

My year moment

Don't we start out the same way every year? By we I mean most people on January 1st. "This is going to be MY year!" "I am going to change THIS this year!" "Goodbye last year, this is going to be different!" And, in fact, it could be. It is very convenient that our calendar has set up and our society has reinforced a fresh start at the beginning of every year. The past years don't melt away with the development of that 1/1 date in order to actually give us a fresh start, however I truly believe that a fresh start would be tremendously disappointing. It's moderately romantic to feel the clarity of a new year- imagining that this time around everything will make sense, and you'll only make the best choices and it's another fresh opportunity to make your dreams come true.  I don't believe it's possible to do that without the preceding years. In order to truly measure where to go, a basis of comparison, a standard, must be made.

I love the new year. I love the hope it brings and the booknoting of past experience. My personal method when the new year comes is not to hope for new and condemn the past, but to relish the past and use it create the new. I love my past. I have started fresh, in the middle of the year, and could not have done that without the grace and love that I've developed throughout the past. This new year I embraced the "fresh start" by being thankful that I had the old.

This is going to be MY year. Like every other year has been my year. I'm going to make the choices I feel are the best at the time. I'm going to learn from my mistakes and try to be a better person than I was last year. I'm going to be healthier, smarter and more dedicated to the things I value. Each year is a gift, and as I see it, a chance to make last year's gift count. Look what I did with last year- how can I do that all again, but better? I don't mean that I would repeat every choice and action, but I would do all of the intangible and abstract again. I would love again, laugh again and dream again. This year, I'll do that better.  And more.

I am going to change THIS this year. What THIS will I choose? Anything that doesn't meet my expectations. I will treat myself with more respect. I will cook better, move better, listen to myself better. I will make choices that create a better life for myself and my family. I will spend less, eat less, complain less. My expectations of myself are to be the best me I can be and act like the person I want to become.  I will present myself in the manner for which I have become accostomed and for which I am known, but better. I will be kind because it's easier to be kind. I will treat people with the love that they deserve. I will make positive changes in every area that I am personally involved. I will hold on to the wonderful words and compliments I've received and keep them true.  The THIS that I choose to change is my gratitude. For myself, my loved ones, my choices, my life. You can NEVER be too grateful.

Goodbye last year, this  year is going to be different. Last year was difficult. So were the previous 32 years. That is life. I believe it's not worth living without a challenge. There needs to be balance. In order to appreciate the good, the bad must happen. This year is going to be different becasue it is not possible for it to be the same. Thanks to the previous 32 years.  I happily say goodbye to last year because I do not fear getting older, and I welcome experience. I love to think of the future as I embrace how I got here.  This year will be different in that it is a new gift than last year was. This year we are in a completely different part of the country, making completely different choices, with the same people and values from the previous years.  I am thankful for last year, but this year will be just as life altering. Because they all are.

If a truly "fresh start" were possible, it would be devastating. How could you be who you are? What would you have to show for life? I love who I've become, but it was only possible by never being able to start over. The blessing of baggage is that you have something with you. I love to watch my children become who they are because of who David and I are, because of their limited years of experience. David and I are who we are because of who are families and friends are, and that baggage is shaping my children. It's possible to make new choices, but a fresh start would defeat the purpose of life, which in my opinion is create experiences and leave a mark on the universe.

Everyone needs opportunity to make new choices, and the new year is a great symbol of opportunity. I just never want my year to be truly NEW.

Moment of Design Captured...